I want to offer you a completely selfish perspective on giving and receiving.
In fact, if you take this on today it could completely change your life and make you happier and sexier (way sexier).
Curious? Many of us have been taught to never put our own needs before the needs of others. In fact, a lot of people consider it selfish to put time, money and energy into doing things for ourselves.
This lack of self care is an old and outdated model that we’ve inherited from older generations. So, while it’s an admirable perspective it’s also ironically shortsighted.
When we give so much of ourselves to the people, things and world around us without giving to ourselves it’s too easy to leave nothing, or simply “not enough”, for ourselves.
Most of us don’t even realize that when we’re not keeping ourselves fulfilled, nourished and well balanced we’re not fully loving the people in our lives the way we could be. This is especially true when we feel: tired, depressed, worn out, undernourished, depleted or obligated.
I call this concept “selfish generosity”.
“Selfish generosity” means giving yourself all the things that have you feel healthy, happy and cared for. It means giving yourself what you need to feel vibrant, nourished and sexy. When you feel fulfilled in this way you can give endless amounts to others because you’re consistently generating everything your higher Self needs to operate at full capacity.
This form of “selfishness” allows you to be incredibly generous. In fact, when you’re giving yourself everything you need you can be far more generous than you ever could have been otherwise.
Men who take really good care of themselves are sexy to women.
They’re nourished, they look good, they feel good, they’re healthy, happy and they can give a lot without feeling depleted. And women like this… a lot.
No woman wants to be with a man who is stressed and tired, depleted and bitter. The woman you want is looking for a man who is relaxed and vibrant because he takes great care of himself.
She wants a man who feels “Whole”… and Selfish Generosity is an act of “Wholeness”.
Women who take really good care of themselves are sexy to men. Men want to be with a woman who: nourishes herself with healthy food, adorns her body in a way that celebrates her beauty, feeds her mind positive thoughts and gives herself gifts, adventures, laughter and experiences that have her feeling juicy, fulfilled and alive. He wants a woman who loves herself.
Selfish Generosity is an act of Self love.
So, you want to have more beauty, sexiness, partnership and love in your life? What would happen if you gifted yourself everything that would provide that? Yeah, this can feel edgy. It’s a foreign experience for a lot of us to give to ourselves so fully and it can go against familial and societal patterns.
For a long time I had a story that only other people could do nice things for me. So, I did nice things for other people hoping that nice things would be done for me. All the while, feeling more and more resigned (and bitter) that people weren’t doing “enough” things for me or doing them the “right” way.
This is a game that can’t be won.
The day I began to give to myself, as if I was my own perfect lover, my entire reality changed. It got a lot more fun too. I depended less on other people to be the source of my own happiness as I began caring for myself.
I began to:
- make myself great meals,
- take myself out to the events I was excited about,
- buy myself the clothes I really wanted,
- get a great massage,
- dinner or movie when I desired,
- take myself on adventures or journeys that enriched my life, body and soul.
If you really take this on it has the potential to break old patterns and change the way the world relates to you because you’re changing the way you relate to yourself.
If you made a list of all the things that would bring you joy, pleasure, laughter, comfort, relaxation, excitement and nourishment and slowly went through that list can you imagine how good you would feel?
Would that be selfish of you?
Yes, it would be fantastically selfish. And, you deserve to be selfish in this way. This is what draws forth the happy, radiant, confident, whole version of you that can be authentically generous and be an even bigger contribution to the lives of the people you really care for.
And, it also makes you significantly sexier.
How great would it be if just your happy, fulfilled presence inspired others to care for themselves the way you were?
That’s a huge gift you can give a relationship. If you’re going to be spending years, decades or an entire life together then taking great care of yourself is what gives you years and years of health, joy, pleasure, adventure, sexual exploration and spiritual fulfillment.
Besides, do you really have a better option?
So consider going on an adventure into self love by celebrating your newfound “selfishness” and all the beautiful generosity that wants to emerge from it.
All of this to say, “selfish is the new sexy” and the more pleasure you are capable of receiving the more pleasure you are capable of giving. This by itself is a gift to the world.
Let the gifting begin,
About Garrison Cohen
Garrison Cohen, former co-founder of AuthenticWorld Media, has spoken at over 250 colleges (as far away as Singapore) for audiences of up to 2,500. He is an award winning filmmaker, speaker, writer and honorary member of the Society of Leadership & Success, which hosts speakers such as Patch Adams & Jack Canfield. In addition to his work in education and entertainment, Garrison has been a voice in the field of transformational media for men and women, teaching them to discover, embody and relate with the world as their most solid, sexy and authentic selves.