broken heartI met my last partner on Valentine’s Day. Pretty romantic, isn’t it? It was one of those connections that catch you completely unaware, and yet once we dropped into each others’ eyes and felt each others’ hearts, there was no denying we had magic between us, and many lives worth at that.

Needless to say, with that kind of beginning, I was pretty disappointed when we chose to end our relationship just a few weeks before Valentine’s Day a year later. How unromantic! Yet if walking the tantric path has taught me anything, it is to embrace what is.

Tantra means many things to many people, and the “definition” I hold most dear is that this path embraces all and rejects none. It takes the totality of our experience, particularly the most painful, dark, hidden parts, to truly wake up and exist in a state of presence. So when I find myself rejecting or resisting something in my life, I know I’m actually receiving a wake-up call to bring me toward higher consciousness.

That got me thinking . . . Rather than resist or resent the fact that I would be celebrating this Valentine’s Day as a newly single tantrika, why not embrace what this opportunity is presenting me with? How to start? The way that came to mind most strongly is this is a beautiful chance to express myself to ALL the lovers who have come into my life. Why write a love letter to one when you can write one to all?

I give you the letter to my lovers past, and invite you to consider writing your own. It was such a powerful and beautiful exercise in honoring the totality of my experience, and the roles these marvelous beings so perfectly played in it. And fear not – You can always treat yourself to roses and chocolates after you’re done writing if that’s your thing. Enjoy!

Dear Lovers Past,

I bow at the altar of your feet, embodiments of Shiva, Divine Masculine incarnate, each of you a gift in your own way. Make no mistake – your presence in my life was never a mistake, not even for a second, and I honor you for showing up when and how you did.

You gave me the chance to taste and feel love in so many flavours and textures. Long-term commitments and passing flings. Passion that burns hot and fast and kindling that smoulders slowly. Such a delicious variety! I am grateful to you all.

Were it not for you, I might not have known the way I most like to feel the pressure of a mouth against that special spot on my neck or the thrill of fingers stroking the exact place where my pleasure flows forth like a river. I might never have realized just how much it means to me to be in silence and stillness, entering the Void and dropping into deepest ecstasy. And precious though that is, I might not have learned how wild my wild side can be and how to feel safe and secure in that unbridled expression had we not gone there too.

Were it not for you, I might not have seen the ways that I hide my Truth, replay worn out patterns or show up as anything less than Love. I might have kept up that charade, staying in the fantasy and avoiding the chance to awaken into reality. I might have missed the opportunity to stand in the fullness of my own power and the wholeness of my own heart. I might never have awakened my own inner healer/priestess/wise woman/mother to initiate me into true womanhood.

Being lovers with you taught me how I want to be loved myself. How much contact, how much commitment, how much connection do I desire to truly feel met in partnership? I might not have known that were it not for the ways you did and did not meet me.

Being lovers with you showed me how massive my own capacity for love is, and most importantly, that I deserve to turn that love inward. A lesson learned the hard way, thanks to loving you I realize that it makes no difference how much love I can offer to another if I’m not able to resource myself from that same wellspring.

Being lovers with you affirmed for me the most valuable lesson of all: Love Is. Love is abundant and eternal. Love is our True Nature. Love can never be lost and it can never be possessed either. When I forget this, there is tremendous suffering. When I remember this, there is all-pervading peace.

Thank you, dear lovers of my past, for being my mirrors, teachers and guides. Thank you for helping to break my heart wide open so I can fill it back up with the force of my own love. Thank you for loving me in all my imperfect perfection and for letting me love you. 

Happy Valentines Day, one and all!

In love and as love,


10003949_10206286555265152_7552955712484523959_nDarshana delights in bringing a strong embodiment of devotional spirit to her every offering. Whether that’s sharing the gifts of tantric touch and presence with clients, coaching seekers along their path to living passionate, purposeful lives or holding space for groups as they journey deeper into intimacy, at the heart of it all is a deep reverence for the Divine Source. She believes vulnerability is just about the sexiest thing out there and generously shares from her own tender and terrific experience in service to yours.


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