If I were to answer how has Tao Tantra changed my life, I would say this:

That the practices and experiences have been helping me to melt down defensiveness and replace it with awakened energy.

walls-around-heartThere was a time that what I called “me” was simply a collection of hard defenses: my shields, my armour, the walls around my heart, the security fence around my yoni, the barriers around my fixed concepts and limiting beliefs. All of those hard edges made me a somebody…they gave a clear definition to the word “me”. Anything that threatened those walls therefore felt like it was going to destroy me.

Those defenses were put up in innocence. They were raised to protect fear, because no one ever taught me growing up how to meet fear and transform it. So there was no choice but to build barriers, like everyone I saw in the world around me.

Sadly those very walls also kept out the love.

It wasn’t until I started to feel completely done with being trapped inside my own prison that I began to walk the path of so-called self-transformation. At first I sought the advaita path of questioning “who am I?” and rediscovering the true self that laid underneath those walls. A blessing to finally hear the silent voice of truth beneath the glaring noise of those desperate defenses.

Yet still, the walls were stubborn, and even having heard the Truth beneath them, many of the walls remained….like comfortable clothing that you are so used to, and the alternative option of nakedness feels terrifying. So the comfy habits remained.

Then I found Tao Tantra: two paths that came to me as one and merged into a single transformational process in my life.

And in these paths I found a myriad ways to unclench the tight holding patterns, and release the energy that was trapped underneath. This energy would feel like an awakening, an activation…I have come to name it a “Shakti Activation”. And then a new strand of life force energy exists in my being and remains there. It is a stream of life flowing through me.

And thus I have found that my hard defensive walls have been being replaced by an energy structure. Instead of needing defensiveness to stay safe, a buoyant energy field keeps me safe. My energy body seems to attract in what serves my highest good, and it somehow protects me from what would harm me. As I have noticed this more and more, it becomes easier to let those defenses go, because I see that life force itself is a benevolent force that wants my highest good.

I have even gone so far as to feel the presence of a Life Force bigger than “me”, like a parent. Finally I understand that whole Divine Mother/Father thing. Because this greater force is like an unconditionally loving parent that wants only good things for its children, and the only thing stooping receiving them was those walls and defenses!

Most of the time I use the Tantric terminology…that Higher Force is called Shiva, and the energy of creation that heals us and brings is home is Shakti. But of course I have noticed that the Christian language of my upbringing talks of a God and a Holy Spirit, which is so incredibly parallel. Remembering these are just concepts used by those who awakened in the past to try and help others awaken too…I still find that the best teacher of all is that of practice.

As I watch groups of students in our teacher training programs do the practices and methods each day, I see that this is what awakens them and teaches them. Time-tested practices designed to carefully and lovingly dismantle the shields and raise the energy, in just the right pace that it is possible to integrate and not be overwhelming.

shedding skinAfter all, to lose our comfortable sense of “me” can feel life-threatening, and most spiritual paths (with any longevity to them) take the time to do this. Occasionally you meet someone who had a near-death-experience, a dramatic life change, or some such sudden shift and the whole structure shattered at once. But not all manage to integrate from dramatic changes, and the traditional paths find a pace that enables the shifts to be smooth.

I am so grateful to the mysterious process of transformation. Grateful to all of the methods that have supported me: qigong and yoga, meditation, emotional clearing, breathwork, psychodrama…and most of all: Tantric Lovemaking. For the energies awakened in the most profound act of love have been those that have melted me down the most powerfully. I am so grateful that I learned to use my sexuality not only for gratification or pleasure, but for transformation and awakening. That I have learned how to literally make love, instead of building more walls.

shashi solluna

shashi solluna

Shashi Solluna is a passionate Tantrika, known for her fiery energy and ability to make things happen! She specialises in the aspect of energy in Tantra…cultivating sexual energy and raising it through the body, as well as sharing that energy with your beloved. She applies ancient tantric principles to modern life and relationships, teaching Tantra as a life path as well as a spiritual path.