Receiving massage lowers stress, floods your body with feel-good hormones, acts as a beauty boost, slows down aging, relaxes you deeply (and can even make you a better lover!)…
Pretty much everyone loves receiving a great massage, but the question is: how do you give a magical massage?
Fear not, I’ve got you covered. Read on, and enjoy…
**Click on the + to reveal each key**
Perhaps this goes without saying but the setting is über important.
If the room is too cold or the light too bright, your receiving man or woman will be uncomfortable no matter how amazing your touch is.
Here’s a handy checklist for you:
25-28˚C is most comfortable (might feel too warm when you’re giving but is super nice for the one receiving, as the body cools down when laying still for a long time).
Make sure they last for the entire session and are placed in a fire safe way where you won’t knock them over.
Wet-wipes can also be good to have! So is hand-disinfectant. Hygiene = high priority.
√ Blankets/soft towels to cover your partner…
…or thin sarongs if the rooms is very hot.
√ Fresh water or tea.
Coffee = not recommended as it increases heart rate, sweating and prevents relaxation. :)
Warm natural massage oil such as coconut, jojoba or sesame. Place the oil on a heater or in a bowl of warm water before you begin.
Coconut and jojoba are light and soft, won’t stain fabrics and are also great for intimate massage.
Sesame oil is thicker and will leave stains (often used in ayurvedic massage).
Never, ever use olive oil for yoni massage. It’s too thick, acidic and will upset the balance inside the vagina.
Ninja tip: if you get olive oil inside the yoni – peel a cucumber and insert and it will draw out any excess oil. :)
Also, please avoid mineral oils like the plague! Mineral oils are oils like baby oil, vaseline and cheap massage oils. If you see petrolatum or parafinum liquidum in the list of ingredients it means that the oil has been made from the same raw material that they use to make petrol. Yuck!
As for essential oils I warmly recommend the Young Living Essential Oils, which are raw, organic, therapeutic grade, best in the world and totally ah-mazing…
√ Fresh breath.
Muy importante: make sure your breath is fresh before you start!
Nothing worse than receiving a massage while having to endure a garlic/onion cloud wafting towards you. (Or worse: smoke breath, ugh!)
Bad breath can destroy a massage experience like kryptonite for Superman. Worse yet: your receiver will probably be too polite to say anything, while making a mental note never to come back again. (=Bad for business if you’re doing this for a living.)
Brush your teeth, floss and scrape your tongue to be on the safe side. A breath mint or Young Living Peppermint oil will boost your breath like magic.
(While we’re on the subject: don’t smoke or cut raw onion or garlic the same day or the day before. Your fingers will smell, which is quite horrible if you give a face massage.)
Oh yes, and make sure you’re freshly showered and smell good. Natural deodorant is great. Avoid strong perfume.
Make sure your nails are short, smooth and clean. Cut and file.
Soft, sensual, relaxing.
Prep a playlist beforehand so you don’t have to think about it during the session. (DJ’ing with oily hands, not a good idea :)
Phew! Ok, got it all? Let’s continue…
Clarity brings relaxation. Relaxation brings surrender. And surrender creates space for deep pleasure…
If you’re giving to a partner or friend it’s usually enough to check in with them if they prefer strong or soft touch, if they have any injuries or places you need to be careful with, and if they have any off limit areas/parts of their body they don’t want to have touched.
For a professional session, you also need to let them know that whatever they’re feeling is completely welcome, and that you’re here to hold the space for whatever may come up. When physical tension releases emotions often release as well.
If you give a deeper, therapeutic massage like Yoni Massage, it’s mega important that you have some kind of trauma healing/therapist education so that you know how to move through even the most intense stuff that might resurface. But for massage that’s purely relaxing and pleasurable, your care and intuition will be enough to be there for your client/friend/partner. :)
Let them know that there’s nothing they need to do or take care of, and if there’s anything you need, they can just ask.
In my Tantric Massage Masterclass I go deeper into guidelines, especially around Yoni & Lingam Massage, but one thing I always make very clear is that there’s no two-way interaction. Meaning, that I’m giving and they’re purely receiving.
For most people this is what they expect, but I’ve had a few clients who have been to ‘erotic massage’ (different from Tantric Massage) where they could touch the giver as well. So unless this is what you want, make this crystal clear in a friendly way before you begin.
You also want to set a clear timeframe of at least an hour of undisturbed time. I prefer to have 2-2,5 hours for a full massage experience.
And if you’re giving massage to a lover, be in tune enough to feel if you both want to continue into love making after the massage…
Note: I’m going to use the word ‘partner’ rather than ‘client’ or ‘receiver’ in this guide, as most of you are probably going to be exploring this in your intimate life, rather than in a professional session.
Maybe you both feel supremely relaxed, maybe you’ve had a stressful day?
Either way, take a moment to get centered, sink from your mind into your body and into this moment.
Guide your partner to lay down and take a few deep breaths while relaxing deeper with every breath out. (Best is to start on the belly and half way through turn around and lay on their back.)
As the giver, close your eyes, breathe into your heart, and breathe out from your heart, through your arms and into your hands.
Make the first touch with complete awareness, being sensitive as you move through their energy field and place your hands gently on their body.
Take a few breaths together in stillness, and then let your hands and intuition guide you from there.
As you give the massage… feel your hands as an extension of your heart, and visualize pouring love into your partner.
Start with the back, legs, feet, arms, hands and head. After turning over, continue with the neck, chest, face and legs – and then move to the more intimate area of breasts, belly, inner thighs, and (unless that’s off limits) lovingly touch the yoni or lingam.
Be fully present as you’re giving. Don’t be distracted by thoughts, don’t look around the room or forget what you’re doing as you’re mentally going over your to do list. You may not think it really matters, but the man or woman you’re giving to will feel it instantly.
I once went for a hot stone massage in a commercial massage center in Amsterdam, and the woman giving it kept on walking out of the room, coming back in, being distracted over and over. She even answered the phone with one hand (to book in a new client) as she kept massaging with the other! Afterwards she asked me if I enjoyed it and when I’d like to book my next session. I gave her some very honest feedback and, obviously, never went back there again.
Conversely, I’ve had some of my life’s best massage experiences with people who were not so skilled technically, but who were so present and so there with their heart and love, that I melted open and went through a transformation way beyond just bodily relaxation.
Real presence is rare, but when it’s there it works like magic.
In Tantra, this is often spoken of as “when Shiva (masculine/presence) is holding space, Shakti (feminine/energy) awakens”.
Shakti can’t be pushed or forced, but She relaxes and responds orgasmically to authentic presence.
This one is a bit less straightforward to explain, but one of the most important points that people often miss…
I’ll illustrate this with a story…
A couple of years ago I took part in a Pleasure and Surrender workshop in Stockholm. In the workshop one of the exercises was about giving and receiving touch.
We each had one partner, one giving, one receiving. First the workshop leader asked us to try and give our partner “the most amazing massage they’ve ever had”. (Ehm, no pressure. ;)
Can you guess what happened?
Everyone who was giving became really self conscious and nervous, trying to impress with cool tricks, and ‘being the best at awesome massage techniques’. The receiving partners felt quite tense and uncomfortable as well, as their giver wasn’t in tune with them at all.
The second time around, the workshop leaders asked us all to forget all about giving “the best massage ever” and to place our awareness into fully experiencing the touch from the perspective of our own hands. Selfishly experiencing how good it feels to touch!
Everyone was fully in tune, fully present in every touch, fully feeling the texture of our partner’s skin as our hand perfectly followed the curve of their body…
And – surprise surprise! – our partners enjoyed that quality of touch so much more, and felt completely held and taken care of.
When you’re totally present in the sensation like this, it also follows as an automatic side effect that your mind switches off and you just know exactly how to touch.
You know when to speed it up, when to slow it down, when to press deeper into a muscle, and when to simply rest your hands lightly on their skin.
You feel their breath, feel their response, and – with time and practice – your hands will develop sensitivity to the point of superpowers.
Follow the breath and press deeper on their exhale, lighter on the inhale. Invite your receiver to breathe through an open mouth for deeper surrender, or through the nose for centeredness and focus.
Also breathe deeply as you’re giving.
Rather than being like a stiff block of concrete with only arms and hands moving… let you entire body be alive and in motion.
If you’re giving massage standing up by a massage table, let the movement come from your legs as you sweep with your hands up and down their body.
If you’re giving on a futon or mattress on the floor, don’t get stuck in one position but let your legs, torso and whole body sway and dance with it.
This not only feels a lot better for your receiver, but also prevents your from getting a stiff back as you’re giving.
Blend different qualities of touch, speed and pressure. Sometimes caressing slowly, sometimes flowing fast, sometimes slowing down to ultra slow-slow-slow motion…
Vary the pressure while paying attention to your partner’s response. Listen to their breath, moans and see if their face is relaxed (= your touch is good) or tense (= the pressure is too much). Also let them know that they can always ask for deeper/stronger/softer/slower.
Knead their muscles firmly, play with the edge of pleasure/pain… sweep your hands like a soft waterfall… let your fingertips dance, butterfly light, touching-almost-not-touching…
Use your hands, your lower arms, your elbows, your hair, your breath, your mouth…
Like a skillful musician, play the instrument of their body until they’re humming with vibration and openness.
More advanced techniques include body gliding where you use your entire body (breasts, belly, legs, feet, back and butt cheeks) to slide and massage your partner for increased sensation and immense pleasure.
(Learn it live here.)
You can also use feathers, fabrics and silks… as well as food such as raw chocolate or juicy mango.
Again, your loving presence is much more important than techniques, and there’s no need to come up with ‘new moves’ all the time.
Repeating one type of stroke many times over allows for energy to build and for your partner to relax deeper.
Then, at juuuust the right moment… seamlessly flow into something else.
Energy can be felt as movement, heat, tingling or vibration.
Some people are naturals at this, for some it takes more practice. You might feel “a lot” or you may feel like “nothing is happening”.
The easiest way to get a taster of this is to rub your hands together as fast as you can until you feel some heat building. Then stop and bring your hands slightly apart. As you move your hands a bit closer together and further apart you’ll probably feel the air between your hands getting more ‘dense’ and filled with electricity.
In terms of energy flow in the body, the main energy pathways are moving like a circle up the spine and down the front. This is called the MicroCosmic Orbit and is felt as fire/yang rising up the from the base of the spine to the top of the head, and water/yin flowing down the front through the heart, belly and down to the pelvic floor.
You can help to open this energy flow by touching up along the back to activate energy rising – and soothe the energy with soft hands like a waterfall down the front.
In the Tantric Massage Masterclass you learn more about energy pathways and how to open, relax and arouse your receiver – so they can feel more, open deeper and possibly also experience energy orgasms.
It’s kind of difficult to write about (much easier to show), but this should give you enough to play with. :)
To learn how to swim, you need a little bit of technical knowledge, but then you need to just get into the water!
In other words: The more massage you give – the more sensitive you become.
Towards the end of the massage, let your touch become very slow, soft and soothing. Brush down their body from the head to the feet.
Visualize and feel everything coming to rest.
End with one hand on their heart and one one their belly, or place your palms under their feet to ground the energy.
You can also move your hands in the energy field, creating a circle/”bubble” around them.
Then release any connection, move back and give them some space to rest and and relax in the afterglow of the experience.
Bring your hands together in anjali mudra (Namaste) in front of your heart and silently thank them for receiving.
So there you have it!
Explore, enjoy, and please let me know what you think about this ‘Magical Massage Survival Guide’ in a comment below… ;)
P.S. Want to learn how to give amazing, sensual massage in sessions or to a lover?
Warmly welcome to this safe, sacred and sensual Tantric Massage Masterclass.
8-9 August 2015 in Amsterdam, the Netherlands.
I give away all my best tips + live demo, guided practice time and (yep, you guessed it) raw chocolate of course.
All info + testimonials >> here.
Ronja Sebastian is a Sensual Awakening & Feminine Embodiment expert. She is the founder of the Samasati Women’s Booty Camp, and the Sensual Yogini Online Academy.
She is a certified Tao Tantric Arts teacher of Tantra and Qigong, a professional dancer, masseuse, yogini and passionate world traveller.
She facilitates women’s workshops and mixed retreats around the world.
Currently she’s sharing/teaching about how to wake up to our true nature as pure Awareness/Presence/Consciousness – and how to integrate that into the human experience of embodiment, emotions and relationships… So that we can open to deep love and pleasure while living in a state of freedom no matter the circumstances…